Tonight a matter of serious concern was brought before the Root Beer Party. It is said that a woman in Canada went to a McDonald’s and ordered a root beer with her meal, what she got, much to her horror and disgust was a Coke. While Coke is fine in and of itself, it is an abomination when one is expecting a root beer.
Shortly after this crime was brought to the attention of Kim Belding, Chief Executive Officer of the A&W division of the Canadian Branch of The Root Beer Party and Co-President, he called for an immediate meeting to form a committee to investigate the alleged crime. I quickly discerned that an establishment selling Coke and Coke products made this an issue of a Barq’s Root Beer being denied to the customer.
I immediately turned the matter over to Jon Esparza, Chief Executive Officer of the Barq’s branch of the Root Beer Party and Co-President. Once he confirmed that it was indeed a Barq’s related crime, he swung into action and called forth the committee meeting chairwoman and impartial judge in all matters root beer, Judge Jenna.
Surprisingly, there was very little debate as action was called for by our illustrious founder and Co-President that swift action must be taken against McDonald’s to right the injustice that was done to this poor victim of corporate deceit.
Our illustrious Co-President called out the two fastest drawers in our ranks to make amends and right the injustice of this corporate monstrosity. Bret Juliano, of the Dust bunny Mafia was called upon to take out the character of Grimace and our own mascot Mr. Blob was called on to “Bring down the Clown!”
In true mafia fashion, Bret executed the judgment of the committee and set to work on Grimace:
Then our illustrious Co-President called for a special serving of justice for the clown, for the Chief Executive Officer of the Barq’s branch of the Root Beer Party had a special punishment in mind, a punishment that would send a message to McDonald’s and let them know who that message was from, for there is one thing that our illustrious Co-President is known for, a signature move if you will: Inflation.
Mr. Blob took up the tank of Helium (He) and set to work:
With the inflation complete, Judge Jenna made the punishment final with a gavel bang and peace was once again restored and the woman who was denied her rightful root beer was vindicated. As always we here at the Root Beer Party take crimes against root beer very seriously. we hold these truths to be self evident that all people have a human right to root beer and those tyrants that would deny it shall be defeated.
So sleep easy True Believers, the Root Beer Party is ever vigilant in the cause of Root Beer, and rest assured that we will always be on guard, until next time, may your mug always be frosty and your Root Beer always foamy.